I treated myself today to a “fancy” meal out. It really wasn’t that fancy, but considering it was a sit down meal, and I ordered something that came with a side salad and veggies it sure appeared fancy to me.
I love going out to eat. The atmosphere, the cheer in the air, just chilling and enjoying the new flavors the chef brings to you. The novelty is quite different when you go out to eat alone however. Even in this day and age it seems some people are still uncomfortable with a woman eating out alone. And by some people, I mean myself.
I ate out during normal dinner hours, so it was a restaurants rather busy time, and I took a whole booth to myself. The waitress brought my drink right away leaving me plenty of time to peruse the menu. She apologized for the long wait for my side salad (I asked for it before the meal) – which really took no time at all. I got the impression that she was actually apologizing for me having to sit at a table by myself for so long with nothing to occupy me a sign that she was just feeling sorry for me eating alone.
It’s funny how the mind plays tricks on you, I worry when out that people will think it’s odd that I am eating dinner out alone and yet I’ve eaten out alone many times before, but still it gets to me.
Now I am not sure that waitress actually had a thought other than concern that she was keeping me waiting for my salad a long time. My mind, however, with it’s own self conscious thoughts of, “Oh my God, what do people think when they see a woman eating alone?” These thoughts are what really made me concerned that the waitress was judging me, or worse feeling sorry for me.
It is a sad day when one wants so badly to just enjoy their night out BY THEMSELVES but thoughts projected out from one’s own concerns bring about needless worries making the night less enjoyable.
It’s amazing that still in this day and age, I find myself the victim of my own self doubts. My own negative thinking.
On a positive note, I challenge these thoughts immediately when they come to me – mentally boosting my own esteem and reminding myself that these thoughts are all in my head. Not only that but these thoughts are ancient history. Something we woman have worked years to push beyond, and yet there I sat “shaming” myself for eating alone when I should have been celebrating it.
I do so hope all woman get the chance to eat alone in their lifetime…and challenge themselves to remember how divine it really is that we CAN in fact eat alone without judgement. Most especially our own.